Sisterhood Spotlight

Tell us about your family and what led to the founding of TAPS.

I founded the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS, in 1994 after the death of my husband in an Army plane crash. He was killed along with seven other soldiers. I was also a military officer in the reserve forces, and assumed there was such an organization to provide a community of compassionate care for all those who were grieving a military loss. Realizing this did not exist in the United States at that time, I very purposefully began researching the needs of military survivors like myself, and exploring the need to have an organization to fill the gaps in care once a military member dies. While the military in the United States does an extraordinary job of rendering final military honors, providing a burial in a national cemetery, and administering government benefits to those surviving family members who are eligible, the government is not able to do what TAPS now does for those grieving the death of their loved one. As a community of survivors helping other survivors heal, TAPS provides peer-based emotional support, casework assistance beyond what the government can provide, emergency financial aid, access to the 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline, and connections to grief support services in every community. While many feel that military loss only occurs only in war, we care for the families of all who serve and die, regardless of where or how the death occurs, including losses from combat, suicide, illness, and accident. In 2021, there were 9,246 newly bereaved survivors of military loss who came to TAPS for care in the US, an increase from 7,538 survivors in 2020.

How has the memory of your husband, BG Tom Carroll, inspired the work that TAPS does?

My husband was a warrior who cared deeply about his Soldiers, and also about their families. I remember one of his Soldiers telling me that shortly before Tom was killed, her brother died in a motorcycle accident. She said that despite being the Commanding General, Tom personally made sure she was supported, had the time off to attend the funeral, and was given time to grieve and honor her brother upon her return. Tom truly is my inspiration, as TAPS offers exactly the kind of comprehensive care that was a hallmark of his leadership. TAPS recognizes the heartbreak of loss, and that death is a great equalizer. Whether private or general, man or woman, new recruit or aging veteran, TAPS honors all who served and died by caring for everyone who they loved and left behind.

What resources are available to Gold Star families through TAPS?

At TAPS, we are here to support all those grieving the loss of a military loved one along every step of their grief journey. 

As part of the TAPS Family, they are offered the absolute best in survivor support, advocacy and casework assistance. Whether it's one of the members of our Helpline team talking with a survivor on a sleepless night, a member of our Casework Team helping sort through the stressful decisions to be made, along with the paperwork following the death of a loved one, or whether it's walking down the corridors of Congress, advocating for policy and budget changes on behalf of survivors, our team is always standing with survivors and for survivors.

Learn more about services and resources below, including resources to help survivors cope during the holiday season. 

TAPS Services and Resources: 

• TAPS 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline — 800-959-TAPS (8277)
• Casework, Education, and Emergency Assistance
• Community-Based Care — Connections to Grief Counseling
• Peer-To-Peer Connections
  • Connect a Military Survivor or Surviving Family With TAPS
  • Request a TAPS Peer Mentor
  • TAPS Online Community
  • TAPS Local Care Groups
  • TAPS In-Person Events

TAPS Holiday Resources:

• TAPS — Coping During The Holidays Resource Page
• TAPS Magazine — Winter 2022
• The TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® — Helpful Webinars By Experts In Grief and Loss

What would you say to Virginians wanting to be involved or make a difference?

TAPS provides a critical service to the surviving families of our military and veterans, and we do this entirely with support from Americans who appreciate service and honor sacrifice. If you are a service member or veteran yourself, check out our Military Mentor Program (taps.org/militarymentor) for TAPS children and become a volunteer. We are very grateful for our donors, and there are simple ways to give, such as hosting a Facebook Fundraiser or choosing TAPS as your charity on Amazon Smile or Walmart’s Charity program. Sign up to run a marathon or 10K (or anywhere in between) as part of Team TAPS (taps.org/teamtaps) . Volunteer at one of our events to help us create the safe space our families need to find hope and healing. We are profoundly grateful for all of the support we receive, and we’d love to have you join our TAPS family of supporters!

How would you encourage Virginians to respond to their veteran neighbors or friends who are grieving during the holidays?

I would encourage Virginians who are supporting grieving friends and family to be kind; be gentle and be understanding. Everyone grieves differently. For some, it might be a comfort to be out with people, and for others, it’s just too difficult to participate in holiday gatherings. Offer the opportunity for the griever to share stories of their loved one with a simple request, “Would you tell me about them?” Honor those who have passed with a special ornament, a toast at a gathering, or share memories of them. The best gifts I received from Tom’s friends were those memories and pictures from friends that were new to me. For just a moment, having a new memory brought Tom alive again, and that was precious. For children, this is especially wonderful. Books filled with memories from friends are treasured keepsakes. But above all else, give the gift of your presence. There is nothing more valuable.

About Bonnie Carroll

Bonnie Carroll founded the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) in 1994, at a time when there was no national support network for the families of America's fallen heroes. Through her own grief following the death of her husband, Brig. Gen. Tom Carroll, who perished in an Army plane crash in 1992 along with seven other soldiers, she turned her tragedy into a purposeful effort to create what is today the major national program providing compassionate care for all who are grieving the death of a service member.

Since its launch in 1994, TAPS has cared for the more than 100,000 surviving family members through a national network of peer-based emotional support services; a 24/7 helpline available to those grieving a loss; connections to community based care throughout the nation; and casework assistance for families navigating all of the resources and benefits available to them.

In addition to founding and serving as the President of TAPS, Carroll also held appointments in the government, including White House Liaison at the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) under President George W. Bush, Executive Assistant to the President for Cabinet Affairs under President Reagan, and in Baghdad, Iraq, as the Senior Advisor to the Iraqi Ministry of Communications during Operation Iraqi Freedom. During her earlier career in Washington, D.C., Ms. Carroll lived and worked on Capitol Hill as a political consultant on Presidential and Congressional campaigns and consultant on national defense issues.

Carroll retired as a Major in the Air Force Reserve following 31 years of service, where her career included serving as Chief, Casualty Operations, HQ USAF. Prior to joining the USAFR, Maj. Carroll served 16 years as both a noncommissioned officer and then a commissioned officer in the Air National Guard as a Transportation Officer, Logistics Officer, and Executive Officer.

Carroll has also served on the Board of Directors of the Association of Death Education and Counseling, the Department of Defense Military Family Readiness Council, the VA Advisory Committee on Disability Compensation, the Defense Health Board, and the Board of the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. She is past co-chair of the Department of Defense Task Force on the Prevention of Suicide by Members of the Armed Forces and she currently serves on the VA Advisory Committee on Families, Caregivers and Survivors. Co-author of Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death, she has published numerous articles on grief and trauma following a military death. She has appeared on CNN, FOX, NBC's The Today Show, and other national programs speaking about military loss.

In addition to receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Barack Obama and the Zachary and Elizabeth Fisher Distinguished Civilian Humanitarian Award from the Department of Defense, Carroll was also featured in People Magazine as a "Hero Among Us;" named a recipient of the Community Heroes Award by the Military Officers Association of America; has been recognized by the Defense Department with the Office of the Secretary of Defense Medal for Exceptional Public Service; and has received the Army's Outstanding Civilian Service Medal and the Navy's Distinguished Public Service Award.

Ms. Carroll holds a degree in Public Administration and Political Science from American University, and has completed Harvard University John F. Kennedy School of Government's Executive Leadership Program on International Conflict Resolution. She is a graduate of several military service schools, including the USAF Logistics Officer Course, Squadron Officers School, Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute, Academy of Military Science and USAF Basic Training (Honor Graduate).

About TAPS

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) is the leading national organization providing compassionate care and survivor support services for the families of America’s fallen military heroes. Since 1994, TAPS has offered support to all those grieving the death of a military loved one through peer-based emotional support, connections with grief and trauma resources, grief seminars and retreats for adults, Good Grief Camps for children, casework assistance, connections to community-based care, online and in-person support groups, and the 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline, all at no cost to surviving families. For more information, please visit TAPS.org or call 800-959-TAPS (8277).